Searching for Bette Porter...

I had a yogurt date with the lesbian today, I was a bit late because I got stuck at the bank with my favorite new personal banker- she is all over the place, really professional but really sprung over her man (she should be he is fine and he bought her a car). She managed to open my account, tutor me on photobucket and explain the finer points of her church by bringing up their website all in the course of an hour. It was a crazy wild ride and I loved it- it is good to know there are other people out there that move 3,000 miles a minute.

One of my favorite things about San Diego I have noticed is that when people come to pick you up they dont wait in the car, Tracie parks, gets out and comes in to check things out and she what's up- at first i was a little thrown but then i started to really like it- very old school/southern hospitality style. So as i am walking up the lesbian is outside locking up- or at least i thought she was, i couldnt tell if she was coming or going- she had on a great blue & silver top, black skirt and a huge black scarf- and no shoes (sigh)- if there is one thing i just cannot and will not get used to is the walking around with no shoes on. i get it- we have plenty of soap and plenty of water, but why does it even need to come to that, why dont you just wear your flipping shoes- flip flops are so thin they practically dont count so what's up??

The Dopeness...

I am currently head over in heels in love with "The Wackness" sometimes a movie comes along just at the right time and confirms what you already know to be true- but in such a quirky comedic way that you have to appreciate it all over again. It sounds heavy but i feel like i am on the verge of great things- maybe because i am coming out of the fog of a very very very bad year and i am all the better for it or maybe i am just overly optimistic- either way, i have all that i ever wanted right now in my life and i am eternally grateful and happy for it.

I talked to my brother Capone on Saturday- i called him tipsy regaling him with stories of the crazy lesbians, crunchy granola landlord and random rants of what is going on with me- as usual i managed to overshare with him, something i should learn not to do considering he is #1 supreme hater- so i tell him about my ingenous plan to be a private detective with a friend and bust out cheating men- he tears the idea to shreds, usually that would send me running for the heels but the new and improved cec wasn't fazed- i know it is a good idea and i know i would be great at it- there are certain inherent skills we all have- i am the connector and the fixer, sort of like a more refined captain save a hoe, i can help women in ways that only women can- we are all sisters in the fight against busted men- but the truth is, in most cases women still stay when there are fidelity issues for various issues, but it feels better to know the truth- information is power...

Bank of Anti America...

I don't even know where to begin- but the short version is Bank of America is holding my money hostage! Saturday I deposited a bank check from my employer into the ATM- fully expecting that there would be a 1 or 2 day delay while they processed the check- ur, um it is day 5- why is my balance reading as $0? I am sure you are thinking- surely cec you should have other monies in that account- and i did- or do, but i had several big ticket items to buy like my "sexy" new blue velveteen couch and i also brought her cousins home- 2 lounge chairs for a little menage a trois. In the midst of my shopping euphoria why was my card declined? Not to sound uppity but I just dont get declined in the store- not because i have so much money but because i know my balances like i know my name, license number and ssn- those numbers just stick in my head even when i dont want them to be there- so imagine my shock when it happens- bastards!

Leaving the Land of Lincoln Behind

So I spent 4.5 hours yesterday with Darby for DMV stuff in an effort to become legit and register my car in California. The nightmare began when I called myself being thrifty and not renewing my license plate registration in Chicago- it expired at the end of March and I was leaving at that time so I figured- what is the harm? Well, little did I know- the San Diego coppers would not be too kind to an expired license plate- I got a ticket for that 3 days after my first ticket for not cramping my wheel on the hill. Um hello? Clearly I have Land of Lincoln plates- it is flat, no random hills or inclines to cramp and use parking brake- this is rubbish! I decided to take one for the team and pay for the expired license but plead ignorance on the parking on the hill- I am sorry, I have been driving for 16 yrs on flat surfaces- things like right of way and yielding 200 ft from railroad crosswalk just dont have space in my memory bank...

This was actually a two part dealy- first I went to the DMV two months ago to request the registration, I paid a whopping $129 to receive temporary registration but since I didn't get a smog test I was given 60 days to have the test completed. I am still not 100% sure what the smog test does but I would imagine they want to make sure Darby is an active contributor to making the earth green and not blue/black. I checked online and there were plenty of "Smog Test Only" facilities to choose from, on a whim after reading one helpful Yelp review I called downtown and the guy was so friendly and encouraging on the phone I had to come down. He explained for the year, make and model of my car it would only take 15 minutes and would cost $50- compared to the $160 charge at the dearlership this was the golden ticket!

Super Sunday...

Have you ever had one of those days that starts of weird and just stays that way but in a beautiful and different type of way? Well that was my Sunday- I woke up to my home phone ringing- which almost never happens, mostly because my friends call my cell and also because i wake up super early so it is rare that i dont just wake up on my own. The phone in my room is cute and sleek but doesn't show the caller when you pick it up from the base- i hear a male voice and it is my father saying good morning and talking to me like it is just a normal occurence.

Let's be clear- my father and i don't have a relationship- which is weird in and of itself. He is super close to his mom, i am close to her but we are not close to one another- doesn't always make sense but that is just how it has been for the last 32 yrs. I have come to realize that grieving for love ones can create the strangest of bonds among strangers. As he is talking to me i head to the front room and realize it is 6:30am- i didn't think much of it, just that he didnt realize how early it was since he was calling from atlanta and i was in san diego until he clarifies "well you told me to call you, and i couldnt call last night so i am calling now- what time is it there anyway 6:30?". I smiled secretly to myself thinking- so you knew it was early as hell but you called anyway? I like it!

I am sort of half listening to him and still trying to get my bearings- i haven't had a full night of sleep in at least 3 days- the night before i went to a friends dinner party and literally fell asleep while playing a board game but by the time i got home ready to crash i was awake again and only got a few hours of shut eye. My father is asking about my accomodations and where i am staying- i told him i would be with my play cousin (is there a certain age where you are supposed to stop claiming made up family bonds?) but he said of course i could stay at my grandmother's house...which of course made me smile too because being invited to stay at her house sounds so weird coming from him- but whatever i told him i would play it by ear but i needed to stay where there was internet so i can work and stay connected. At the end of the call he says " i am so glad you are coming i cant wait for you to get here, i need your help now more than ever" simple words but very heavy considering the source...so interesting just hearing someone say they need you can warm a cold heart many times over.

The day gets started with me running around the house packing, cleaning trying to get thing sorted. I had decided that I really want to carry on my bag- sounds simple enough except that I am a severe pack rat! I have to have options- 2 pairs of shoes for 1 dress, multiple tops & bottoms, extra outfits- i don't ever want to feel like i dont have a choice about what i wear- and somehow all those clothes, beauty products and shoes cannot always fit into my little black american tourister! my girlfriend comes over to take me to the airport- even she is doubtful that i can carry on my bag but i am sure i can persevere! we make it to the airport an hour before my flight leaves- normally i would be worried but i just dont take our airport very seriously it is so small and quaint how can anyone miss their flight?

when i booked my ticket it didnt allow for me to choose a seat- when i got to the airport it was more of the same- even though i have a super controlling personality i decided to just let go and be grateful that i had a seat. i stop at the cash station, stop at cpk and grab a salad (they have my favorite water fiji- although it is 3x the normal price i am still happy to have it) and then i grab a box of see's candies as a hostess gift for LT. by the time i roll up to the gate it is 10:45 and they are just now boarding- i am standing in line and i hear my name paged- turns out they had been paging me for a while to give me my seat assignment- 37E baby i am smack dab in the middle no window seat for the kid. i am happily lugging my bag down the ramp until i get to the actual plane- of course this flight would be the one with the captain waiting to greet people at the door. my bag gets stuck and i have to get it over the hump- with a bit of force i finally get it over the entry door and the captain says "pull!!" as if we are on the shooting range- this gets the business class folks laughing at my expense- he goes on to say "you shouldnt have such a big bag" beat it captain and head back up front we don't need your commentary...:(

outside of getting heckled by the captain the flight was amazing! i had my own little tv filled with hbo, bravo, and fx (am i the only person who has never seen fantastic 4? that movie was great!!)..the airline staff was amazingly nice and the food was delish- shrimp ceasar salad and pomegranate martinis! plus i got to sit next to a super cute and somewhat sexy asian man- he was so sweet he gave me his extra biscottis so i could send to my girlfriend and a quick tutorial on the iphone- i can't wait until july to scoop the new ones up!

i make it atl by 6:30- LT is waiting for me to take me to the unauthorized wake. yes, unauthorized! i knew nothing about it until last night or this morning (all the days are starting to blend into one at this point) but how can you have a wake for someone who wanted to be cremated? actually don't answer that it will just make me mad all over again.

i see a lot of familiar faces as soon as i walk in- but i am struck by the woman in the casket- i say woman because she surely doesn't look like my grandmother. pretty brown skinned woman with larger than life lips and vivid red lipstick- it was just wrong! her hair was matted and undone and the whole scene was just unsettling.

Getting in the Spirit! Confrontational Friday....

Oh how I love Confrontational Friday...my former roommate introduced me to it, (also known as the Devil worked for Chernins) and I have to say it is quite contagious! My bff Soulstice had a few people she needed to check and one of my first phone calls of the day got me fired up so I was ready to go.

Just to set the stage, CF is just how it sounds- the day you can call people up and tell them how you really feel about how they are treating you. Fridays are safe because people are usually unwiding, their defenses are down and any calls coming in are surely pleasant invitations to Friday nite happy hour or Sunday Brunch- but instead you get the smack down!

LaLa Land...

Sunday afternoon, I just spent the morning at the mall running errands and I planned a quick coffee break with Tracie to debrief her party that I missed the night before. We played around in North Park, drinking coffee and checking out beauty supply items for my much needed old school hair dryer. As I was dropping her off she mentioned in passing that today would have been a perfect day to drive up to LA. (Now mind you, I sent her a text note 24 hours before asking her if there was anyway we could sneak in a day trip since I still had the rental car to which I was promptly turned down) now all of a sudden she is down! I tried to beg off because I was headed to the San Diego Natural Hair meet up and I was really excited about getting some references for my hair- but then again- how often do we have a rental at our disposal and a full tank of gas?

A few minutes and phone calls later it is me, Tracie and her girlfriend Kim headed to LA!
I love when a plan comes together- it was so last minute and random but totally fun. The drive wasn't bad- but I kept thinking it would be an hour or so, but it was really a solid 2 hours- parts were really regular and other areas were spectacular! Beverly Hills of course was every bit as posh and luxurious as I had imagined- great stores, snazzy restaurants (Hey Crustaceans- I am coming back for you!!) and ritzy cars. The best part was actually seeing the Santa Monica Pier- it looks like so much fun! We are now planning for a 3 day girls trip in the off season so we can really get out and explore (code for shop)...loving Southern California more and more!